Archive for November, 2007

Tony and Phil — The Video

November 30, 2007

Laurel and Hardy

thestar.com/videosearch?q=homeless&OrderBy=sReleaseDate%20DESC.

…………….
Thanks to Neil Sanderson at The Toronto Star.

Advertisements

Cough-22

November 28, 2007

Sigmund Clemens

PHILIP
“You’re coughing again.”

TONY
“You’re telling me! It’s pushing my gut through my stomach muscles now.”

PHILIP
“Why don’t you go down to St. Joe’s and see a doctor?”

TONY
“No point.”

PHILIP
“What?”

TONY
“They’ll just write me up a prescription, but how’m I going to pay for it?”

PHILIP
“Come on, Tony, there’s got to be a government drug payment scheme for people in your situation.”

TONY
“Yeah, I’m working on that.”

If you wanna get down, down on the ground — cocaine

November 27, 2007

Sigmund Freud

PHILIP
“You are really looking pale and tired this morning.”

TONY
“Yeah well I couldn’t sleep all night. Couldn’t stop coughing so I just laid there. I’m coaching a friend of mine.”

PHILIP
“What do you mean by ‘coaching’ ?”

TONY
“He’s got himself hooked so I’m trying to help him. I think I can help this guy.”

À la recherche du temps perdu

November 25, 2007

Memory

PHILIP
“Tony, when’s the last time you took a vacation?”

TONY
“Ten years ago maybe. I don’t really remember.”

Has anybody seen my sweet sister Rose?

November 22, 2007

 

Face to face

TONY
“You won’t believe this. I saw my sister Rose. It was a total fluke. I’d been getting these feelings that I should go to up the bingo hall, you know, up on Lansdowne. So two nights ago, I went up there. Just as I’m getting up there, the place is having a smoke break, and people are coming out to light up. And there comes my older sister in the middle of the crowd, and she looks at me and I look at her and we just stand there looking at each other. It was a total fluke. Finally I say to her: ‘Where’s my hug?’ and she comes up and gives me one.”

Remembering to say thank-you

November 21, 2007

Family time

TONY
“I know everybody thinks Bush has lost it upstairs but also you know, I meet a lot of Yanks and most of them are nice and decent people when you get to talk to them. And they’re spittin’ mad — same as us about Vietnam — I mean Iraq — and they can’t stand Bush just like we Canadians can’t.”

PHILIP
“And your point is …?”

TONY
“Well, someone just reminded me that it was American Thanksgiving on Thursday. It just made me think we should be giving thanks for having Americans as neighbours, even if their government’s run by a bunch of cocaine addicts. You gotta remember that America saved our ass a few times in history.”

Walking since daybreak

November 20, 2007

Sunflowers

TONY
“Sometimes I feel like I’ve been trudging along for years but I haven’t gotten anywhere.

“You get tired after a while.”

Somewhere only we know

November 19, 2007

Wheat field under a clouded sky

TONY
“Hey Phil, do you have two bucks? My pneumonia is killing me; I need to lie down somewhere.”

Subway map of the soul

November 15, 2007

Subway map of the Seoul

TONY
“You remember about the key for that submarine sandwich place just up the street, you know, the Subway’s there?”

PHILIP
“Dimly.”

TONY
“Well the store owner finally found out what happened.”

PHILIP
“Which was what?”

TONY
“You know, that I’d found their main front-door key just sitting there, right next to their front door in the middle of the night. So now the owner knows what happened back then, he’s been really decent to me plus now I get a foot-long sub every week, or I can have two six-inch ones on two different days if I prefer.”

My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends

November 13, 2007

Trojan porsche

TONY
“Phil, you should hear what happened to me Saturday night:

I was paying my respects to Silvio, the homeless guy who got killed in September down at King and Ronces, the guy I told you about and we wrote in the blog. So I got on my bike and I start coughing and coughing and coughing, you know, because of my pneumonia. Anyway, I was riding down King Street while I was coughing my ass off — guess who comes around the corner down near Dufferin? I’ll tell you who came around the corner. It was that same fire truck from 426 Division, you know the one that saved me from being run over last winter and it’s also the same one that ran over my friend a few months back. So I nearly hit this truck — but I don’t — but there’s this car behind the truck and this car is totally new, shined up and everything. Plus, believe it or not, it’s a new Porsche 911. I’m not kidding you. So I try to miss hitting the Porsche but I wiped out, into into the back quarter panel. So, of course, the guy gets out of the car, of course he’s pissed at me, and I’m telling you, he’s six-foot-something and he’s got biceps that could crack walnuts. So he looks at down me and says: ‘I know you. You’re homelessmanspeaks.com.’ So he’s was pretty nice to me considering but now I owe him $100.”

The naked and the dead

November 10, 2007

Naked and dead

TONY
“You remember that aura that visited me when my friend died a while back? Well he came visiting me again.”

PHILIP
“Where was this?”

TONY
“You know the place where I’ve been sleeping the last few nights? It was the middle of the night and I was under all my clothes and covers, and all of a sudden the place was lit up like there was a fire, but I knew it was that aura. I don’t know what he wants this time but I’m for sure doing what he says.”

To drive the cold winter away

November 9, 2007

Tony’s old coat

Brand New Dei

November 6, 2007

Brand New Dei

TONY
“You remember that woman Edith I told you about who’s always bringing me food and things? You know, she’s the one who invited me to visit her Sunday School but I never went? Well, she tells me that she was talking to her Sunday School kids about me, and she showed them some print-outs from the blog. Edith says that the kids just couldn’t believe that a homeless guy would believe in Jesus. So Edith’s going to bring her Sunday School class around so I can tell them myself.”

Time management

November 4, 2007

H.3

PHILIP
“I hope it’s not cruel to point out that the time change gives you an extra hour to work.”

TONY
“I was thinking that myself actually.

“You should have seen me this morning, thinking it was late already when I got going. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Eternal return

November 1, 2007

Great parade

TONY
“Phil, you should have seen the costume that the kids dressed me in last night.”

PHILIP
“What kids were those?”

TONY
“I’ve been going out with this family on Halloween for years. Back when my wife was alive, we used to go ‘trick or treating’ with them. Now they’ve got their own kids, which is who I went out with last night.”

PHILIP
“So what was your costume?”

TONY
“Let me put it this way — I had fishnet stockings, short skirt, garters, everything you can think of. My boobs were filled up with kids’ socks. I even had two guys proposition me. Anyway, the kids had a riot but I wonder what they told their mom afterwards.”

%d bloggers like this: