Archive for September, 2007

Calling Ralph on the big white telephone

September 28, 2007

Mr Clean

“Where were you?”

“I was in the garage. I was so sick that I couldn’t get up for two days. Then Doug brings me one of those expensive sodas in those little glass bottles. I have one sip and I just start ralphing, I mean I was doing it for 20 minutes. So Doug is holding this trash bag and telling me it smells really terrible, which it did but I couldn’t stop it. So I thought I had a stomach bug or something, but then I remembered that I’d eaten this huge meal just before I got sick, and it must all just’ve got blocked in there.

“Anyway, thank God it finally came out .

“Also I’ve now got this hernia here where my intestine bulges out [Tony displays a golf ball size lump below his solar plexus]. The doctors tried to fix it three times already but it just comes back out.”

Message for Tony: Please call Philip

September 26, 2007

Jesse James

I’m looking for Tony. Tomorrow, he and I are participating in a 10am class at University of Toronto. Please have him call me at 416.930.5648. Thanks.

An ear to the ground

September 25, 2007

Drip drip drip

“Did you print out the blog comments for me? I think my sister’s going to send me a message.”

Bump on a log

September 21, 2007

Logs alone

“Where were you the last few days?”

“You’ll never believe this. I fell asleep in back of a truck on Wednesday night, I think it was. So while I was sleeping, the driver drove up to Huntsville. I didn’t feel a bump, I was sleeping like log. So I woke up in Huntsville and then it took me two days get back here to Toronto.

“The driver didn’t know you were there?

“Nope. Nobody knew where I was except me.”

State of denial

September 17, 2007

 Dylan Thomas

“I didn’t see you at the [Roncesvalles] street festival this weekend.”

“Well, one of the cops asked me not to be in the festival area. You know, you can see his point; folks just want to be having fun at the festival. They don’t want to be bothered by a guy like me. Anyway, I told the cop it was no problem … he was just doing his job, just the same as I was doing mine. Then he goes and cracks me up when he says: ‘Yeah, but I prefer my job to yours.’

“You gotta agree with him on that one.”

Coin of the realm

September 12, 2007

Tony’s coin

“You see this coin? I thought someone gave me a loonie until I took a look at it. I gotta say I’ve never seen one of these before but it’s a good idea.”

The Socratic Method

September 9, 2007

Drinking the hemlock

“You know my friend you met the other day, you know the one, he’s homeless too. He’s looking really bad; I think his body’s about to give out on him, if you know what I mean. He’s into the mouthwash again. I don’t know how he can drink that stuff. Anyway, he’s killing himself, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Homeless Man Reflects

September 8, 2007

Tony reads his blog

Tony’s garden of weedin’

September 3, 2007

 Tony and his garden

“What are you up to?”

“I’m tending my garden; what do you think?”

“So what’s with the new plants?”

“Some idiot went and pulled up half my plants last night. So I’m replanting like you see. I gotta keep my garden growing.”

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