Archive for August, 2008

After I undressed her

August 28, 2008

TONY
“You see that blond girl that just walked up the street?  That’s the Swedish woman I was going to tell you about.”

PHILIP
“About what?”

TONY
“Well, the first time she walked up the street, she sees I looking at her, well what do you expect, I mean she’s gorgeous. Anyway, she’s comes right up to me and says: “Stop doing that.’  She can see that I’m undressing her in my mind. She doesn’t like it, I can tell you. Anyway, then she just marches off. I felt kind of bad but what was I supposed to do?

“So next time she comes down the street, I see her coming and so I put my head down and look the other way so as I don’t upset her again. And while I’m not looking at her, she drops me a buck. Since then, we’ve had a great relationship.”

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Tony’s humour sucks

August 21, 2008

TONY
“I couldn’t find my old seat anywhere so I got myself a new one. D’you like it?”

PHILIP
“It’s beautiful. Where did you find it?”

TONY
“Just out back, in the alleyway.”

PHILIP
“So, would you say that it’s better or worse than the last model?”

TONY
“It’s comfortable  … but it sucks, if you get what I mean.”

PHILIP
“Very funny.”

Poor guy

August 15, 2008

TONY
“You won’t believe what happened to me, I think it was yesterday. Anyway, I was riding my bike on a back street near Dundas and I get flagged down by this guy. Well he looks more pale than a sheet just washed in javex. He asks me if I was around there 2 hours before, which I definitely wasn’t. I never take that route when I’m going the other way, and besides I wasn’t on my bike when he was concerned about.  So he tells me that he’s lost $3,800 in cash money. In cash money. Can you imagine that?”

PHILIP
“What exactly was he doing with $3,800 bucks in cash?”

TONY
“The poor guy just had cashed his paycheck and then he lost his envelope is what he tells me, believe it or not. You gotta feel for the guy even though, you know, I could really use the $3,800.”

Playing catch-up

August 13, 2008

PHILIP
“Are you going to be here later on today?”

TONY
“Oh yeah, you bet … been sick for almost 2 days so I’ve got some catching up to do.”

Blown smoke

August 8, 2008

TONY
“You know, I’ve spent nearly an hour asking people if they have a smoke to spare and I ain’t got one yet.”

It takes a village

August 7, 2008

TONY
“So I gotta tell you this. You know I wasn’t here yesterday, right?  Well, yesterday, apparently this guy comes barreling up the sidewalk on his bike, grabs onto one of those big new gas BBQs just outside Home Hardware there, and tries to make a break for it. Turns out that’s the guy who’d been casing the store all last week but — you see — the guy tries to make the heist on the one day I’m not down here. Anyway, luckily he didn’t get away with it.

“The people in these stores know one thing — if Tony’s on the street, there won’t be trouble.”

The shadow of the sun

August 4, 2008

TONY
“You should have seen what happened yesterday, just up Roncesvalles.”

PHILIP
“OK, I’ll take the bait. What happened yesterday?”

TONY
“Some people called 911 after they found me sleeping on a bench up there. Then the firetruck came to save me but, I’m telling you, I was so out I never even heard the siren or anything.”

PHILIP
“They what?”

TONY
“Well, they thought I had sunstroke, but i was just sleeping. You know I haven’t been getting much sleep lately. So anyway they woke me up finally and I just was so sleepy that I could hardly walk straight. And before you ask me, I’m gonna tell you I had nothing in me, not even one beer. I was just totally tired is all, I just couldn’t wake up properly.”

PHILIP
“So these people were really concerned about you.”

TONY
“Yeah, that happens sometimes.”

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