Archive for March, 2008

Powerless to help

March 31, 2008

Moon in darkness

TONY
“That Earth Hour the other day was a great thing to do but I didn’t have any lights to turn off, if you know what I mean.”

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Eight-balls and empty pockets

March 29, 2008

 Newtonian mechanics

PHILIP
“Wow, you look really pissed off; I hope it’s not something I did; I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side when you’re looking the way you do right now.”

TONY
“No way, you’d hear from me about anything like that, that’s for sure.”

It’s my friend I’ve been telling you about. So he gets his welfare cheque, he promises me, he really promises me that he’s gonna use the money to feed himself and get a room. Next thing you know, he’s spend it all on crack and he’s got nothing left. Probably got 3 eight-balls with the dough. Now of course he wants me to help him. How’s he gonna get out of his situation if he can’t be a bit responsible, you know what I mean?”

Tony promotes under-age smoking

March 27, 2008

Elmo and cigarette

TONY
“Hey Phil, did I show you my friend Elmo’s a great guy for holding my cigarette? Doesn’t take any drags but I’ve got to be careful about burning his lips.”

Taking care of business

March 22, 2008

PHILIP
“I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while … how do you keep your breath from smelling bad? Isn’t that hard to do in your situation?”

TONY
“Well first of all, I better keep it smelling pretty or no one’s going to want to talk to me or give me anything. I just take care of it, just like anything else. And believe it or not, the smoking helps too. Even when people don’t like the cigarette smell, they don’t go backing away from me, if you know what I mean.”

Garbage in, garbage out

March 19, 2008

Hogarth

PHILIP
“Hey Tony, someone threw your stool into the garbage pail over there. He was just some regular guy. Me and another guy pulled it out and put it next to ‘your’ tree there.”

TONY
“Let me tell you, it happens all the time, Phil. You know, when you’re homeless, folks think that they can do anything they like with your property. It’s like we don’t even exist. ‘Course, then people wonder why homeless people stink after they gotta rescue their stuff from the garbage.”

Forget me not

March 14, 2008

Blanket of many colours

ONE OF TONY’S “REGULARS”
“Hi Tony, I saw you really shivering last time so I checked at home and found you this blanket plus this fleece jacket. You can use that blanket to keep that beautiful ass of yours nice and toasty.”

TONY
“Well that’s 100% great. Thanks for these very much; I can use them. But I got to tell you, my ass is nice and warm right now. What I need it for is to warm up my legs.”

[Later] to Philip

“That the blanket is kinda like that Coat of Many Colours from the Bible. Except no one wants to kill me for it, which is good. i can’t believe I still remember those Old Testament stories but that’s what a Catholic education does for you.”

Suspicious minds

March 9, 2008

Hyenas

PHILIP
“Hey Tony, I was talking to this homeless guy, Randy, about sleeping in shelters. He hasn’t stayed in a shelter in at least a year and he says he won’t ever again if he can. He figures that 10% of the five hundred guys staying there are ‘psycho’ — guys who’d kill you for ‘a pack of smokes or half a tuna sandwich.’ ”

TONY
You’ve heard me tell you that before. Nobody believes it … who’s gonna to listen to one of us, if you know what I mean?”

Just plain Canadian

March 6, 2008

Mar 6 2008 - Letter to the Globe

PHILIP
“Hey Tony. Look, my letter got published in the today’s Globe.”

TONY
“You should get that up on the blog if you ask me. It’s just plain Canadian to say ‘please’.”

——-

PS: I’ll post a copy of the original March 5th op-ed later. In the meantime (sorry): http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080305.wconafta05/BNStory/specialComment

Philip

Mike and Philip are now friends

March 4, 2008

 facebook logo

TONY [as he gets into Mike’s van]
“Phil, I want you to meet Mike, the guy who I’m staying with right now. Mike, this is Phil, my blog writer. Sorry, Phil, I gotta go. I’m giving Mike a hand on a paint job he’s doing.”

Some say love, it is a hunger

March 3, 2008

John Singer Sargent

TONY
“Did I tell you I saw my sister?”

PHILIP
“Which one?”

TONY
“I saw Rose, right on Ronces here. I don’t even remember when I last got to see her. She’s said she’d collect up some things for me.”

When you’re hot, you’re hot

March 1, 2008

MLK and LBJ

TONY
“That guy Barack’s doing unbelievable in those USA elections. I think that people are maybe figuring out that it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white — if you’re smart, you’re smart.”

PHILIP
“Amen.”

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