Archive for May, 2010

Be still, my beating heart

May 29, 2010

TONY
“Did I tell you about this morning when this guy sat down on the other side of the tree from me? Next thing you know, three cherry tops show up and the cops pop out and I say to myself: ‘What did I do this time?’  Turns out they’re looking for the other guy. Well, I’m glad I got out of that one.”

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What I do

May 27, 2010

TONY
“Sometimes, you’ve got to judge a book by its cover — especially when you do what I do.”

Tony’s body of knowledge

May 26, 2010

TONY
“This heat is just killing me. I was down in the hospital for three hours yesterday. I was really lucky, my bus driver friend saw me and got me on his bus because I’ll tell you, I was really getting dizzy in the heat.”

PHILIP
“So what happens now?”

TONY
“Well now at least I know I can cool down in their emergency waiting room.”

Begging the question

May 25, 2010

PHILIP
“Tony, is there anything good about being homeless?”

TONY
“That’s like asking if there’s anything good about having cancer.”

PHILIP
“Sorry.”

TONY
“Don’t worry; it was a good question, if you know what I mean.”

He’ll stand on guard for free

May 22, 2010

TONY
“I got myself a job for Sunday.”

PHILIP
“Great! What is it?”

TONY
“Well, it’s two hours looking after the corner store. The owner can’t be there and folks keep swiping her flowers plants. I told her it was no problem since I was going to be there anyway. She didn’t even have to pay me since it’s the neighbourhood, if you know what I mean. But I know she’ll give me something anyway.”

How long has this been going on?

May 21, 2010

PHILIP
“How many days have you been wearing that McDonalds t-shirt?”

TONY
“Yeah, I’ve been wearing it a few days but I wash it when it’s dirty so it’s no problem most times.”

Some people just don’t get it

May 20, 2010

TONY
“You what someone left in my hat when I was away from my post? Someone left me a cheap watch in my hat with a broke wrist band. I mean, what am I gonna do with that? Some people, they just don’t get it, if you know what I mean.”

Death and texting

May 18, 2010

PHILIP
“What’s new?”

TONY
“You hear about the cyclist who was killed up there on Dundas at Sterling Road, you know on the overpass there? The guy driving his car, he was sending messages with his cell phone, it’s what they call ‘texting’.”

PHILIP
“Oh my god! When was this?”

TONY
“Just the other day. That driver is in for a ton of trouble. Manslaughter for sure, if you ask me.”

Falling like flies

May 17, 2010

TONY
“You know that guy Stan, he sometimes hung around that new place you sometimes go. You know, ‘Lit‘, down the street there, you know that one, the one called ‘Lit’. Anyway they found him lying dead there where he got that room, down on King there. That’s another one down. We’re falling like flies, if you know what I mean.”

Just serving him right

May 15, 2010

TONY
“You know, last month or something, I was asking people for money so I could buy myself a sausage for lunch. Well, I ended up with nine sausages and one hell of of  stomach ache. Just serves me right, if you know what I mean. And I didn’t even eat all nine.”

Feet in the clouds

May 14, 2010

TONY
“Check out my new shoes. You know, they go for more than $100 a pair.  The guy up at the shoe store gave ’em to me.”

PHILIP
“How did that happen?”

TONY
“Well, he walks down the street, he looks at my shoes and he tells me I should have better shoes. Next thing you know, he brings me into the store, he goes in the back and comes ou with these and he just gives me them. And, let me tell you, are they comfortable, you know. It’s like walking on a cloud in these.”

Or else

May 11, 2010

PHILIP
“You want to hear my favourite quote?  I just put it up on the chalkboard in Alternative Grounds. It’s from Lincoln. So the quote is: “Have I not destroyed my enemies if I have made friends of them?’  Deep, eh?”

TONY
“You’re not kidding!  That’s what you gotta do if you’re where I am — or else.”

Service with a smile

May 6, 2010

PHILIP
“How come you’ve never made me a coffee?” I figure I’ve made you a hundreds cups over the last 10 years.”

TONY
“I don’t know but I’ll make you one if you say how’d you like it.”

PHILIP
“OK, medium-dark,lots of cream and go medium on the sugar … “Hey, look at that. It’s service with a smile!”

TONY
“You betcha.”

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