Here’s Tony’s “Standing While Homeless” (aka SWH) ticket from last week. I had said it was for $96; it’s actually for $65.
Philip
Archive for April, 2008
Showing his wound
April 29, 2008Stirred
April 25, 2008
TONY
“Check out my new jacket with a royal colour?”
PHILIP
“Where from?”
TONY
“I was working a the car wash on Dundas, you know the one just up there and I was drying cars. So the supervisor gave it to me. Pretty good, eh?”
Working the system
April 23, 2008
TONY
“A cop gave me a ticket yesterday.”
PHILIP
“For what? For being homeless?”
TONY
“Almost. I was standing at the top of the street and this cruiser stopped and the cop gave me a ticket. She said I was panhandling near a bank machine which was an offence. So I asked if I could at least get a warning first, since I didn’t know about the law but he officer didn’t budge at all.
“So today a friend tells me that CFRB radio said that a lot of street people had been ticketed recently for all sorts of things. The guy on the radio said that it costs way more to lock folks up than the city will ever collect in fines. No kidding! I mean, where am I going to find the ninety-six bucks anyway?”
Needless to say
April 19, 2008
PHILIP
“Can I get you a coffee?”
TONY
“No thanks, I’m just fine.”
PHILIP
“Do you want something else?”
TONY
“No thanks, Phil — I don’t really need anything right now.”
Sprung
April 15, 2008
TONY
“Hey Phil, it’s spring!”
Courting trouble
April 14, 2008
PHILIP
“How did your court appearance go yesterday [April 9th]?”
TONY
“Well you’ll never believe it. I went into the wrong courtroom and they were in the middle of picking a jury for some trial. Now you can’t leave a courtroom while they’re picking a jury so I had to stay put, even though I knew I was supposed to be at my trial in another courtroom. So I finally get to leave the room once the jury pickings’s done, and one of the court officers comes up to me and tells me that my judge went and issued a bench warrant because I was a no-show.”
PHILIP
“So …?”
TONY
“Well of course I explained what happened to me and there were few people right there who could vouch for my story. So the court officer brought me ’round to the judge and I explained the same thing to him and he heard from a few witnesses who’d seen me in the other courtroom. So the judge right away cancelled my bench warrant. He was fair and there was no problems after that. But I’ve got to go back to court again in a few weeks. It just never seems to end.”
A model homeless man
April 13, 2008
Tony was the subject of a professional photo shoot over the weekend, by a widely-admired photographer, Jim Allen. Look for Jim’s photos of Tony in the next issue of Irked Magazine.
Philip
Du moolah rouge
April 5, 2008PHILIP
“Would you like an afternoon coffee?”
TONY
“How about instead you get me a can of pasta sauce with some meat in it? I’m trying to get some pasta organized for dinner tonight.”
Homeless Man Speaks 