PHILIP
Tony gave me a book this morning. It’s full of jokes about lawyers and written, purportedly, by a rat. Here’s his dedication. He asked me to post it and I wasn’t about to refuse. Thanks, Tony.
Archive for August, 2007
Tony’s dedication
August 31, 2007What the doctor ordered
August 29, 2007 
TONY
“You notice I’m getting a bit scrawny?’
“Well I actually went down to the hospital the other day. The doc told me to start drinking these milk shakes, 3 cans a day because wasn’t getting enough vitamins.”
Roaming through the Danzig corridor
August 27, 2007 
PHILIP
“We haven’t really discussed that murder of the St. Catharines’ guy by those four homeless people. ”
TONY
“Well as far as I’m concerned, they must’ve been provoked. Homeless people don’t get in fights with regular folks unless they’ve got to. Maybe if they’re on acid, but you gotta wonder even then. One thing’s for sure — no one’s ever going to find out, one way or the other.”
The Golden Rule of yesterday
August 24, 2007
TONY
“Hey Phil, I met this young guy, about 28 I’d guess, yesterday. We were talking and he asked me why so many people just don’t follow The Golden Rule. You know what I told him was that if you follow The Rule, you get it back in return.
“That’s just the way it is, you know.”
Going soft on bums
August 22, 2007 
PHILIP
“I see you’ve got yourself a luxury pad for your bum, Mr. Clemens.”
TONY
“And, let me tell you, when I’m done the day, it folds up nice too.”
PHILIP
“How about we do a photo shoot?”
TONY
“Where do I stand?”
____________
PS: Question – What would make this blog better? Thanks for your comments. – Philip
My favourite me
August 20, 2007
For a few dollars more
August 19, 2007
PHILIP
“Tony, have I asked you about that murder by the four homeless people last week?”
TONY
“Hey, Phil, can we talk about it tomorrow? I need to get some money for some dinner.”
Giving no quarter
August 16, 2007
TONY
“Did I ever tell you about this guy who tossed me a quarter and he says to me:, ‘I hope you aren’t gonna use that for cocaine.’ So I say ‘excuse me,’ and then said to him that I didn’t use cocaine and he could take back his quarter if he wanted.
“Then he comes back another time and says that he was wrong to say what he said.
“You know, now we’re best buddies.”
Philip’s letter to the editor, as published in today’s Globe
August 15, 2007
Responding to today’s Globe and Mail editorial
August 14, 2007
PHILIP
I just sent this letter to the Globe regarding their editorial promoting tough treatment for hostile panhandlers (apologies for the small-size scan):
To the Editors:
Stiffer enforcement of hostile panhandling laws is both impractical and inhumane.
Any beggar, whether hostile or not, that is perceived as a pest by local retailers will be swept from the streets. Consequently, jail populations will grow, as the hapless perpetrators are generally without the means to pay fines. For those not placed behind bars, expect further overflow in our dismal mental health depots.
Are such results acceptable?
Forcible confinement of panhandlers, homeless or otherwise, is monstrous. This very point is explicitly recognized even by Calgary’s business community. Recently, TransAlta and Suncor — among many others — made a comprehensive commitment to finance a cure for the city’s homelessness problems. Provision of housing, along with requisite social, medical and psychological services are centerpiece of their plan. Of course, Calgary’s booming energy sector has substantially worsened that city’s homeless situation. Nonetheless, they have chosen an approach both pragmatic and compassionate.
The problem of beggar-related harassment and violence is serious. Our approach should be serious too.
Philip Stern, Toronto
Note: The author blogs at homelessmanspeaks.com.
Them’s the breaks
August 14, 2007
TONY
“That guy who just came by? You know the one, he told us he’d be back in 15 minutes and he how he wants to buy you and me a beer at the Freshwood? I wish I could go but I’m behind on money and I can’t take any breaks right now.”
The wheels of life
August 13, 2007
TONY
“You see that guy on the bicycle? Now him you’ve gotta keep your eyes open for.”
PHILIP
“That guy? Why?”
TONY
“You see how he rode by that parked car, the white one over there? He slowed right down when he saw something on her car seat, probably it’s her purse. So he does a couple of u-turns so he can ride by her car again and grab the purse. If you ask me, the only reason he didn’t grab for it is that she was just coming back out the store. I’ll bet you she’ll never know what just went down, which is like most people if you ask me.”
I haven’t seen Tony …
August 6, 2007PHILIP
… since his nephew placed a comment under “Nothing rhymes with orange” — also see previous post immediately below. As such, he doesn’t know about his nephew’s comment, which (I believe) could bode a life-changing re-connection in Tony’s life. I’m out of web range until Saturday, Aug. 11th. If you’re a Roncesvalles local and you see Tony, please relate the gist of his nephew’s message.
Thanks.
Tony’s nephew reaches out
August 5, 2007Please see the first comment in Tony’s July 2nd posting, “Nothing rhymes with orange“.
The assent of a woman
August 2, 2007
PHILIP
“So Tony, what’s the best advice you ever got?
TONY
“I don’t know if it’s the best, but it’s a good one: ‘If there’s a woman mad at you, and especially your wife, just get her some flowers. Works every time.”
I swear
August 1, 2007 
TONY
“The other day, I did something I’d swore I’d never do again.
PHILIP
“What’s that?
TONY
“I helped out a guy who’d stolen from me already.”
PHILIP
“Why’d you do that?”
TONY
“No idea. I’ve got no idea.”
Homeless Man Speaks 