Archive for November, 2008

Beyond good and evil

November 27, 2008

circling-wagons-nov-27-2008

TONY
“Did you know that I was working for the cops tonight?”

PHILIP
“What’s up?”

TONY
“There’s a guy around who’s snatching purses. He grabbed an older lady’s purse and put her in the hospital. You know, she was 72 years old and he put her in St. Joe’s.

“They thought they had him cornered in the lane behind but he must’ve slipped away. He was wearing a green jacket and probably aged around 17.”

PHILIP
“So what are you doing for the cops?”

TONY
“They want me to tell everyone who comes down the street that there’s a purse-snatcher around. So that’s what I’m doing. One sec, Phil

“Excuse me, Miss …”

Advertisements

Is there anyone who can provide Tony with an opportunity to do 20 hours of “commun- ity service”?

November 25, 2008

Tony needs to perform 20 hours of community service in order to avoid jail time. He tells me that qualified organizations are preferring young people as volunteers. Thus, he’s not found any opportunity to do his community service. Can anyone help?

Philip

Day’s end

November 25, 2008

day-is-done-nov-25-2008

All tarted up

November 14, 2008

manet-picnic-nov-14-20081

PHILIP
“What’s that cheshire cat grin about?”

TONY
“It’s those butter tarts.”

PHILIP
“What did you say?”

TONY
“You’ve never heard of butter tarts?”

PHILIP
“Yes I’ve heard of butter tarts.”

TONY
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. A guy like you should know about butter tarts, if you know what I mean.”

PHILIP
“No actually, I don’t know what you mean. OK, now exactly why are you smiling about butter tarts?”

TONY
“They’re not just your ordinary butter tarts.”

PHILIP
“Am I missing something? What’s this thing about butter tarts?”

TONY
“The best butter tarts I ever had if you ask me.”

PHILIP
“OK, I give up. What the heck are you talking about?”

TONY
“Don’t you know? The new bakery next to Brad’s. You’ve seen them — they just opened the other day. It’s called Mabel’s. She gave me some of their butter tarts yesterday. They’re the best ones I ever had. You should try ’em. I can’t believe how good they are.”

PHILIP
“I can see that. Are they at least paying you for promoting their butter tarts?”

TONY
“Yup. They’re actually paying me in butter tarts, which is a great deal if you ask me.”

Into the breeches

November 8, 2008

Castle and guns

PHILIP
“Hey Tony. What’s the scariest thing that ever happened to you?”

TONY
“Well maybe it’s not the scariest thing that ever happened, but I can tell you I was pretty scared.

“There was once when the ETF cops broke into a house I was inside, just minding my own businesss. Somebody — I don’t know who it was — went and called the cops that there was someone with a gun in the house and next thing you know the ETF is breaking down the door. And the next thing you know, there’s a cop who looks like a Jeddi Knight or something pointing a big gun at me and he says to me that I should put my hands up which I do right away. So I put my hands up real, real high and he says to walk toward him nice and slow. I would’ve’ walked on my knees if he wanted but he says I should just do what he asked. I told him he wouldn’t get any trouble from me and I would’ve been happy to crawl down on the floor to him if he wante.

“Well, I just about did you-know-what right there, right in my pants.

“Those ETF guys don’t fool around — you could be dead in a second. And I was just watching some cartoon on the video, I think it was Madagascar or something. I remember the whole thing like it was yesterday and I didn’t know anything about the gun or anything. I’m pretty sure that he guy who had the gun was drunk, he wasn’t really going to shoot his wife — at least I don’t think so, but ‘course you never know, that’s for sure. I was pretty lucky or I’d be in a wooden box, if you know what I mean.”

Go Obama

November 4, 2008

barack_and_michelle-nov-4-2008

Go Obama.

Missing equipment

November 3, 2008

TONY
“How was your Halloween?”

PHILIP
“Chaotic. Fine.”

TONY
“Well I had a good one. I dressed up like a doctor, with a white lab coat and everything. I was just missing a stethoscope. The kids loved me but a few of the adults thought I was acting a bit strange but I think their problem is thaat they don’t really understand what Halloween is all about.”

%d bloggers like this: