Archive for the 'home' Category

Into the breeches

November 8, 2008

Castle and guns

“Hey Tony. What’s the scariest thing that ever happened to you?”

“Well maybe it’s not the scariest thing that ever happened, but I can tell you I was pretty scared.

“There was once when the ETF cops broke into a house I was inside, just minding my own businesss. Somebody — I don’t know who it was — went and called the cops that there was someone with a gun in the house and next thing you know the ETF is breaking down the door. And the next thing you know, there’s a cop who looks like a Jeddi Knight or something pointing a big gun at me and he says to me that I should put my hands up which I do right away. So I put my hands up real, real high and he says to walk toward him nice and slow. I would’ve’ walked on my knees if he wanted but he says I should just do what he asked. I told him he wouldn’t get any trouble from me and I would’ve been happy to crawl down on the floor to him if he wante.

“Well, I just about did you-know-what right there, right in my pants.

“Those ETF guys don’t fool around — you could be dead in a second. And I was just watching some cartoon on the video, I think it was Madagascar or something. I remember the whole thing like it was yesterday and I didn’t know anything about the gun or anything. I’m pretty sure that he guy who had the gun was drunk, he wasn’t really going to shoot his wife — at least I don’t think so, but ‘course you never know, that’s for sure. I was pretty lucky or I’d be in a wooden box, if you know what I mean.”

The cook, the beef, his life and recovery

February 27, 2008

Upside down

Still upside down

“You remember the guy I told you I was coaching? Well, it turns out he’s a great cook, he’s amazing. He can cook anything. We got this nice piece of roasting meat the other night. By the time he’s finished cooking it, it was fit for a king. So now I’m a homeless guy with my own cook. Life is crazy sometimes.”

Home invasion

February 13, 2008

Man in blizzard

“I haven’t seen so much snow since that winter of 1999, you know when the army came in to dig us out. Also, that’s about the time when I got stuck being homeless.”

John gets a home

December 18, 2007

Water drops

“Where did you sleep last night?”

“Right now, I’m sleeping down in the basement at my friend Mike’s. I’ve been doing some work for him on and off. He needs a john in his place and I found one the other day that someone was throwing out — right there on the sidewalk not far from here. The whole toilet was there, no cracks or anything. So I hauled it over to Mike’s and I’m installing it for him.”

I’ll be ready

October 4, 2007

Lunar synchronicity

“There’s this woman who brings me a homemade lunch most mornings. So recently she hasn’t, which she was apologizing to me for, but I know she’s moving her home and she doesn’t have any place to even make me a sandwich right now. So I just told her not to worry; I said: ‘When you’ll be ready, I’ll be ready.’ “

Mom and Dad

December 22, 2006

“How much older was your Dad than you were ?”

“I don’t know.”

“You mean you don’t know how much older your Dad was than you?”


“How about your Mom?”

“No idea, believe it or not.”

“Didn’t you live with your parents when you were growing up?”

“Pretty much.”

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