TONY
“You reading ‘Moby Dick’?”
PHILIP
“Yeah, I’m trying again.” (with the book in hand)
TONY
“It’s a great story.”
PHILIP
“You’ve read ‘Moby Dick’?”
TONY
“Yup; read it at school. Had to write a paper about it too. It’s a great story.”
Archive for April, 2007
A great story
April 30, 2007Sense and sensibilities
April 28, 2007
TONY
“You should have seen this. Back on Thursday, these two ladies were shopping at the Korean fruit and vegetable store down on the corner. And they left the there baby carriage just near the door, and it starts rolling down the sidewalk going towards the street. So I’m shouting about it and this guy — I’ve never seen him before — he goes and rescues the carriage before there’s any trouble. Those ladies don’t seem to hardly care, even though there was for sure a baby in there. And when they’re finished shopping, they walk up the street plaughing, and I said to them: ‘ You know, you can by fruits and vegetables anywhere, but you can’t buy a new baby.’ So one of them gives me the finger and they just keep walking.”
PHILIP
“They gave you the finger?”
TONY
“Yup. With a moms like that, you know kids are gonna be messed up.”
At the urging of a ghost
April 26, 2007
TONY
“You know that aura I was telling you about, he came back again last night. He wanted me to set up a meeting between him and the meth guy. He wrote the guy’s name in that plaster dust again. So out loud I said ‘Would Friday work?’ and he flashed the numbers 8:30pm on the clockradio to show me what time he wanted to meet the guy who got him the meth.
“So that’s what I’ve gotta do. I gotta set up that meeting.”
Reflections on the silver spoon
April 25, 2007
TONY
“I was walking up Roncesvalles yesterday. You know the really nice restaurant just south of the old Revue, it’s the The Silver Spoon. Well, their windows are open, which doesn’t make much sense to me because it’s Monday and the restaurant doesn’t even open on Mondays. I know Rocco and he’s a good guy and I know he lives not too far. So I went and told him about the windows.”
PHILIP
“Can we use this for the blog?”
TONY
“Yeah for sure. They’re good folks — they’ll get a kick seeing themselves on the Internet.”
Encore: Could you help me eat drink, man woman?
April 23, 2007TONY
“So last night I was up at The Local, and this woman I’ve never seen before just asks me if I want anything and I tell her some food. So the chef cooks me up this hamburger, huge, about 2 inches thick. Was that good.
“Then her boyfriend comes up from the washroom and he asks me the same question pretty much. So I tell him I’d like a drink. So he goes and gets me a some drink with alcohol so I’ve got to tell him no thanks. So I said to him: ‘I prefer my drink black with cream and sugar.’ He couldn’t believe that I don’t drink alcohol. So he bought me some coffee, and then they both just disappeared.
“Sometimes I think I am weird.”
Could you help me eat drink, man woman?
April 21, 2007
TONY
“You should have seen what happened yesterday. This lady comes down the street, you know, shaped like a woman and everything, and I say: ‘Good morning, ma’am.’ So she stops and looks at me and comes right up to my face and says: ‘I’m not a man and I’m not a woman — and you don’t need to apologize to me.’
“So I’m standing there puzzled and she goes and walks off. A while later, she or he or whatever I’m supposed to call that person, she walks back up and this time I say: ‘Good afternoon.’ And she looks at me and says: ‘Don’t start with me. I already told you that I’m not a man and I’m not a woman — and you don’t need to apologize.’ And then she walked on up the street.
The power of meth
April 18, 2007
TONY
“So I’m staying in this house; it’s been abandoned on account of my friend dying there. It was the meth that did it.
“I’m sitting there in front of a clock-radio and I hear this creak, creak, creak. I check the whole house but everything’s locked so no one coulda got in.
“I sit down again and in comes this aura kind of thing. I know it’s my dead friend. My friend writes out the name of the guy who got him the meth in the plaster dust on the floor. By now I’m really scared and I’ve got goose bumps on my goose bumps.”
PHILIP
“Were you high or something?”
TONY
“No. I was totally clean; that’s why I was so scared.”
Virginia massacre and Gere’s behaviour
April 17, 2007PHILIP
So what’s in the paper this morning?
TONY
“You know that massacre in Virginia where the guy killed 33 students? That was a real tragedy.
“And then you see all those people who say Richard Gere was disgusting when he kissed that woman in public. Some people are such idiots.”
Where did the flowers go?
April 15, 2007
TONY
“I’ve got a good story for you. You know The Local, the restaurant next to the old Revue movie house up on Roncesvalles. Well the owner, she’s taken a liking to me, since I’ve had to move from in front of Alternative Grounds. She even invited me in for a drink, and I told her I don’t really drink, and if I had one beer, which is all I’d drink anyway, it wouldn’t help me much. But she and her brother, there really nice to me, feeding me and looking out for me. So when you saw me with that bouquet of flowers yesterday, it was for her.”
In the bag
April 9, 2007
PHILIP
Someone stole Tony’s backpack on Friday. Almost always, he would leave his backpack when going for a smoke or a meal or what-all.
In the bag: Some gloves, a hat or two, some cigarettes, a few lighters, a yesterday’s Metro paper, assorted keys, some “some nicer clothes for the upcoming Bible reading, and who-knows-what.
Giving and taking away
April 6, 2007
TONY
“Phil, you’ll just never believe this.
“A friend of mine, his name was Jerry — I’ve known him for about 10 years — he got killed in an accident on Monday night. What’s unbelievable is that he was run over by a firetruck from 426 Division, and the guy driving the truck was the same guy in the same truck who saved my ass a few weeks ago when I got hit by that car. Anyway, the firetruck driver was so shaken up he couldn’t move the truck off my friend’s chest. Even the Chief couldn’t do it. Then the firetruck driver finds out it’s Jerry he just ran over, and he knew Jerry all the way back in high school.
“I can’t believe it myself.”
Arrested developments
April 4, 2007
PHILIP
I didn’t post this earlier because I mislaid Tony’s note and it just surfaced.
TONY (written while he was in jail)
“I was arrested Jan 26, 2007 at 10:32am. I was taken to 11 Division and the policemen there treated me really good; mind you, I had to wait 2 hours for a ham and cheese sandwich.
“I spent all day and night trying to sleep on a cold steel bed and froze my ass off. They put me through a Level 3 search, right down to “bend over and spread ’em.”
“Next day I was handcuffed and put in a paddywagon and taken to 14 Division to pick some crooks to take to court with me. There I slept on a cold floor. I waited all day for them to tell me to come back the next day. So right now [January 28th] I’m doing 20 days for not going to court in July last year.
“The hardest time in jail is at night when all sorts of crazy things go through your mind like how to hurt yourself or even kill yourself to try and forget the loneliness.”
Homeless Man Speaks 