Archive for May, 2008

Future pain

May 28, 2008

TONY (to passerby)
Pardon me ma’am, I’m trying to get something for breakfast. Might you be able to spare some change for me?”

PASSERBY
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I would if I could.”

TONY
“No problem. By any chance, would you have any Advil on you?”

PASSERBY
“Oh yes. I’ve been getting a lot of headaches this week.

“Here you go, there’s six of them.”

TONY
“Thanks very much. I’ve got a few already, so I’ll have these for later.”

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Bad

May 26, 2008

PHILIP
“You look like you’ve got a bit of a cut lip. What happened to you?”

TONY
“Got myself into a bit of a scrap. Considering that, I’m not feeling that bad.”

Homeless man drinks his first latté

May 20, 2008

TONY
Yuck. Not worth the wait if you know what I mean.”

Discussing the weather

May 16, 2008

PHILIP
“How are you doing this fine morning?”

TONY
“OK I guess, all things considered. No kiddin’, you gotta love this weather.”

Looking out for the plundering one

May 15, 2008

TONY (to a lady who’s just parked her car nearby)
“Ma’am, the ticket cop will be by here in about 5 minutes — that’s the parking machine you want right over there.”

LADY
“Oh, thank-you. That’s good to know.”

TONY
“Yup, especially now that they’ve raised the fines to $40 minimum. That’s major coin.”

Looking out for Number 11

May 12, 2008

TONY
“Did I tell you about the cop who asked me if I needed her to find me a place to sleep other night? I was just up the road, actually near the place where I got that ticket a few weeks back. So this cruiser from 11 Division comes down Ronces, and it stops in front of me and the cop opens her window and asks if I need a bed. So I tell her thanks but it’s no problem, and I tell her I appreciate her asking me. And she tells me back something like: ‘Come on Tony, you’re the law’s eyes and ears when we’re not around … of course we’re gonna care about you.’

“Now that’s a decent cop for you.”

The curious incident of the cat in the night-time

May 8, 2008


PHILIP
“You’re looking a bit pale this morning.”

TONY

“I’m sure I am. So, here’s my question to you for this morning. See if you can guess why a cop evicted me from a park last night?”

PHILIP
“OK I give up.”

TONY
“Some lady didn’t like that I was snoring so loud in the park. Seems her cat tore right through the window screen because of all the noise I was making. So she called the cops. She even wants me to pay for a new window screen for her.

“I never knew that it was against the law to snore too loud but it is.”

PHILIP
“C’mon, you’re just making this up, right?”

TONY
“No word of a lie, Phil. It’s what actually happened.”

Another chance

May 7, 2008

PHILIP
“Did you check out the papers about Barack Obama?”

TONY
“Maybe America is going to get another chance if this guy wins their elections.”

The dryer ate my socks

May 4, 2008

Tony\'s dirty laundry

TONY
“Remember it told you I was going to do my laundry? Well, look what happened.”

Tony’s dirty laundry

May 2, 2008

PHILIP
“Wow. That lady just gave you five bucks.”

TONY
“I see her a couple of times a month and she’s always got something for me.”

PHILIP
“So are you going to use that money for lunch?”

TONY
“Nope, I’m going up to the laundromat. These clothes are just too dirty.”

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