Archive for the 'friends' Category

Mike and Philip are now friends

March 4, 2008

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TONY [as he gets into Mike’s van]
“Phil, I want you to meet Mike, the guy who I’m staying with right now. Mike, this is Phil, my blog writer. Sorry, Phil, I gotta go. I’m giving Mike a hand on a paint job he’s doing.”

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My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends

November 13, 2007

Trojan porsche

TONY
“Phil, you should hear what happened to me Saturday night:

I was paying my respects to Silvio, the homeless guy who got killed in September down at King and Ronces, the guy I told you about and we wrote in the blog. So I got on my bike and I start coughing and coughing and coughing, you know, because of my pneumonia. Anyway, I was riding down King Street while I was coughing my ass off — guess who comes around the corner down near Dufferin? I’ll tell you who came around the corner. It was that same fire truck from 426 Division, you know the one that saved me from being run over last winter and it’s also the same one that ran over my friend a few months back. So I nearly hit this truck — but I don’t — but there’s this car behind the truck and this car is totally new, shined up and everything. Plus, believe it or not, it’s a new Porsche 911. I’m not kidding you. So I try to miss hitting the Porsche but I wiped out, into into the back quarter panel. So, of course, the guy gets out of the car, of course he’s pissed at me, and I’m telling you, he’s six-foot-something and he’s got biceps that could crack walnuts. So he looks at down me and says: ‘I know you. You’re homelessmanspeaks.com.’ So he’s was pretty nice to me considering but now I owe him $100.”

Lord of the flies

October 3, 2007

Spider and the fly

TONY
“We’re losing another homeless guy.”

PHILIP
“Who’s that?”

TONY
“You remember when I told you about the homeless guy up the street, the guy who was drinking mouthwash?  He’s in the hospital — has been for 3 days now. The doctors figure for sure he ain’t coming out of that hospital on his own steam, if you know what I mean.”

PHILIP
“How do you know this?”

TONY
“I spoke one of his other friends last night. The guy says that everyone’s done whatever they could to help the guy, but his insides were totally rotted out. You know, we’re just falling like flies now.”

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