Archive for the 'sick' Category

Calling Ralph on the big white telephone

September 28, 2007

Mr Clean

“Where were you?”

“I was in the garage. I was so sick that I couldn’t get up for two days. Then Doug brings me one of those expensive sodas in those little glass bottles. I have one sip and I just start ralphing, I mean I was doing it for 20 minutes. So Doug is holding this trash bag and telling me it smells really terrible, which it did but I couldn’t stop it. So I thought I had a stomach bug or something, but then I remembered that I’d eaten this huge meal just before I got sick, and it must all just’ve got blocked in there.

“Anyway, thank God it finally came out .

“Also I’ve now got this hernia here where my intestine bulges out [Tony displays a golf ball size lump below his solar plexus]. The doctors tried to fix it three times already but it just comes back out.”

Thinking and dreaming about Britney Spears

March 5, 2007

People Magazine front page image from Wikipedia

“What do think about the news on Britney Spears?”

“[Begin Tony’s response by inserting your favoured phrase for conveying unfettered heterosexual enthusiasm.] Well maybe some people think she’s nothing special, but I like her because she does her songs for the common people.

Yeah, I saw in the newspaper about her shaving her head which they should just leave her alone about, if you ask me. What’s wrong with shaving your head? The fire guys and the cops do it, when they’re raising money for cancer. People with cancer go bald with those chemicals and they need wigs too. So what’s someone’s big problem with that?”

“I saw a story that said she’s been suicidal too.”

“That’s probably that she’s got some problems upstairs. I always learned that you can’t pick on people with a sickness, like with crippled people. They should just leave her alone.”

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