Archive for the 'God' Category

Brand New Dei

November 6, 2007

Brand New Dei

TONY
“You remember that woman Edith I told you about who’s always bringing me food and things? You know, she’s the one who invited me to visit her Sunday School but I never went? Well, she tells me that she was talking to her Sunday School kids about me, and she showed them some print-outs from the blog. Edith says that the kids just couldn’t believe that a homeless guy would believe in Jesus. So Edith’s going to bring her Sunday School class around so I can tell them myself.”

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Calling Ralph on the big white telephone

September 28, 2007

Mr Clean

PHILIP
“Where were you?”

TONY
“I was in the garage. I was so sick that I couldn’t get up for two days. Then Doug brings me one of those expensive sodas in those little glass bottles. I have one sip and I just start ralphing, I mean I was doing it for 20 minutes. So Doug is holding this trash bag and telling me it smells really terrible, which it did but I couldn’t stop it. So I thought I had a stomach bug or something, but then I remembered that I’d eaten this huge meal just before I got sick, and it must all just’ve got blocked in there.

“Anyway, thank God it finally came out .

“Also I’ve now got this hernia here where my intestine bulges out [Tony displays a golf ball size lump below his solar plexus]. The doctors tried to fix it three times already but it just comes back out.”

Is there a God?

January 11, 2007

PHILIP
“Do you believe in God?”

TONY
“Yes, because otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

PHILIP
“What do you mean that you ‘wouldn’t be here’ ?”

TONY
“Let me put it this way. My mother told me that if it wasn’t for God, I wouldn’t be here. I’m just telling you what she told me. Besides, I wouldn’t have let my wife go if there was no God.”

PHILIP
“What do you mean by that?”

TONY
“I’ll tell you what I mean: I’d be wearing her ashes around my neck instead of giving them to my daughter. But since I know I’ll be joining her up in Heaven, I don’t need to keep her ashes with me right now.”

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