The word from the street
TONY
“You remember that woman Edith I told you about who’s always bringing me food and things? You know, she’s the one who invited me to visit her Sunday School but I never went? Well, she tells me that she was talking to her Sunday School kids about me, and she showed them some print-outs from the blog. Edith says that the kids just couldn’t believe that a homeless guy would believe in Jesus. So Edith’s going to bring her Sunday School class around so I can tell them myself.”
PHILIP
“I hope it’s not cruel to point out that the time change gives you an extra hour to work.”
TONY
“I was thinking that myself actually.
“You should have seen me this morning, thinking it was late already when I got going. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
TONY
“Phil, you should have seen the costume that the kids dressed me in last night.”
PHILIP
“What kids were those?”
TONY
“I’ve been going out with this family on Halloween for years. Back when my wife was alive, we used to go ‘trick or treating’ with them. Now they’ve got their own kids, which is who I went out with last night.”
PHILIP
“So what was your costume?”
TONY
“Let me put it this way — I had fishnet stockings, short skirt, garters, everything you can think of. My boobs were filled up with kids’ socks. I even had two guys proposition me. Anyway, the kids had a riot but I wonder what they told their mom afterwards.”
PHILIP
“D’you put those bins away every morning?”
TONY
“Every morning that I’m here I do.”
PHILIP
“Do you get paid?”
TONY
“No, I’m not getting paid by anyone; I’m just trying to be a good neighbour.”
TONY
“You remember I told you about that homeless guy who got killed maybe a month ago? You know, Silvio, the one who lived in that park just south of Queen and Roncesvalles. Anyway, I just went by there and those flowers that people left on his bench are still sitting there. It’s pretty sad; probably the first time he got flowers is when he died.”
[Tony offers a small piece of banana to a passing dog, to its ready delight.]
PHILIP
“How’d you know that dogs like bananas?”
TONY
“I’ve been on the street for a while; I’ve learned some things about street living, if you know what I mean. Anyway, it’s always a good idea for street people to be nice to dogs.”
TONY
“Phil, could you spring me for a coffee this morning? I’m flat broke; I didn’t even have dinner last night.”
PHILIP
“Your face looks like there’s something wrong. What’s going on?”
TONY
“You know my friend with the scruffy beard who sits down the street sometimes? Well, his girlfriend just died. Anyway, I’m trying to get some dollars together so I can get her some flowers.”
PHILIP
“Tony, excuse me for saying so but you don’t even have a roof over your head; you can’t go spending money on flowers.”
TONY
“Yea Phil, but she was my friend too.”
TONY
“There’s this woman who brings me a homemade lunch most mornings. So recently she hasn’t, which she was apologizing to me for, but I know she’s moving her home and she doesn’t have any place to even make me a sandwich right now. So I just told her not to worry; I said: ‘When you’ll be ready, I’ll be ready.’ “
TONY
“We’re losing another homeless guy.”
PHILIP
“Who’s that?”
TONY
“You remember when I told you about the homeless guy up the street, the guy who was drinking mouthwash? He’s in the hospital — has been for 3 days now. The doctors figure for sure he ain’t coming out of that hospital on his own steam, if you know what I mean.”
PHILIP
“How do you know this?”
TONY
“I spoke one of his other friends last night. The guy says that everyone’s done whatever they could to help the guy, but his insides were totally rotted out. You know, we’re just falling like flies now.”
TONY [As a funeral procession drives slowly south on Roncesvalles, Tony doffs his cap].
“I always take off my hat when a funeral comes by.”
PHILIP
“Why’s that?”
TONY
“Just showing respect for the dead.”
PHILIP
“Where were you?”
TONY
“I was in the garage. I was so sick that I couldn’t get up for two days. Then Doug brings me one of those expensive sodas in those little glass bottles. I have one sip and I just start ralphing, I mean I was doing it for 20 minutes. So Doug is holding this trash bag and telling me it smells really terrible, which it did but I couldn’t stop it. So I thought I had a stomach bug or something, but then I remembered that I’d eaten this huge meal just before I got sick, and it must all just’ve got blocked in there.
“Anyway, thank God it finally came out .
“Also I’ve now got this hernia here where my intestine bulges out [Tony displays a golf ball size lump below his solar plexus]. The doctors tried to fix it three times already but it just comes back out.”
PHILIP
I’m looking for Tony. Tomorrow, he and I are participating in a 10am class at University of Toronto. Please have him call me at 416.930.5648. Thanks.
PHILIP
“Where were you the last few days?”
TONY
“You’ll never believe this. I fell asleep in back of a truck on Wednesday night, I think it was. So while I was sleeping, the driver drove up to Huntsville. I didn’t feel a bump, I was sleeping like log. So I woke up in Huntsville and then it took me two days get back here to Toronto.
PHILIP
“The driver didn’t know you were there?
TONY
“Nope. Nobody knew where I was except me.”
PHILIP
“I didn’t see you at the [Roncesvalles] street festival this weekend.”
TONY
“Well, one of the cops asked me not to be in the festival area. You know, you can see his point; folks just want to be having fun at the festival. They don’t want to be bothered by a guy like me. Anyway, I told the cop it was no problem … he was just doing his job, just the same as I was doing mine. Then he goes and cracks me up when he says: ‘Yeah, but I prefer my job to yours.’
“You gotta agree with him on that one.”
TONY
“You see this coin? I thought someone gave me a loonie until I took a look at it. I gotta say I’ve never seen one of these before but it’s a good idea.”
Homeless Man Speaks 