The word from the street
PHILIP
“Did you find that bag I left for you yesterday, the one with the sausage you like and the Orangina?”
TONY
“Yup. I love that sausage, all right.”
PHILIP
“Did you like the drink?”
TONY
“It was awful.”
PHILIP
“Had you tried it before?”
TONY
“Nope and I’m not trying it again either.”
TONY
“That smog was really bad yesterday. I didn’t get here ’til 3:30pm. Anyway, thank God I got myself one of those Ventolins. You know, it’s harder than most people think, working in the summer.”
TONY
“I got evicted last night.”
PHILIP
“Sorry, gotta run. Can you tell me about it later?”
TONY
One of my regulars just shaved off his beard. So I asked this woman who’s also one my regulars if I should shave my beard off. She said I’d look younger without it but I look more elegant with the beard so I’m keeping it.
PHILIP
“You look like you’re in pain.”
TONY
“That’s because I saved an old guy from being run over on the other day. This old man with was hobbling on his two canes out to the streetcar. Then there was this white car that was just racing down the curb lane, and you could just see it wasn’t going to stop. So I called out to the old guy but he just said that the car would stop but you could see that it wasn’t going to. So I reached out in the road and pulled the old guy back to the sidewalk just in time and, you know, the white car didn’t stop, like I said.
“So luckily there was a cop on the other side of the street and he sees pretty much the whole thing, so the cop gets out from the cruiser and waves down this car and the driver gets out of the car and just keels right over. One thing I can tell you is that I’ve been pretty drunk in my life but I was never that drunk. You know that driver just left a local bar and now he’s in the slammer and you can bet he’s gonna be put up for a while. Anyway, I threw my back out when I saved the old man which is why I wasn’t here yesterday. I couldn’t even get up off the ground in the morning and it’s still hurting pretty bad but at least I saved the guy.
“You wouldn’t have any Advil or something?”
I’m looking for two people that I’ve lost touch with. Do you you know where I can find the following two people:
– Rose Bouffard (approx. 60 yrs old) — my sister
– Sean Bouffard (approx. 40 yrs old) — my nephew
I don’t have any photos. They’re probably somewhere in Canada.
Thanks for any help you can give me.
Tony
TONY
“Phil, do you have some wood glue at home that I could borrow?”
PHILIP
“I know it’s none of my business, but what do you need glue for?”
TONY
“I sometimes carve miniature crosses for people, you know like the one Jesus used but that you can hang around your neck. I promised someone a special cross and I need some glue for it.”
PHILIP
“You never told me about carving crosses. When did you start that?”
TONY
“Phil, I hate to burst your bubble but there’s lots of things you don’t know about me.”
TONY
“So did you hear that they’ve bought the Revue and they’re going to keep it a movie theatre? It’s a good thing they’re going to keep it going since it was kind of a fixture for Roncesvalles. It was pretty sad when they closed it.”
PHILIP
“What happened to you?”
TONY
“I fell down on the sidewalk over on Sunday, just around the corner there on Sorauren where Dundas is. So when I come to, I’ve got this big scratch along the side of my head here, and I could feel my body tingling all over. You know, nobody helped me get back up for 20 minutes until this Good Samaritan, this Polish guy, he helped me stand up.
“Anyway, yesterday I went down to emergency and the doc says I’ve got to watch what I eat since I’ve got a hairline break up in the bone in my cheek. So now I can’t eat anything that’s too chewy and the doc said I was — well I’m not going to repeat what he said if it’s going on the blog.
“If this keeps up, one day I’m going to hurt myself.”
TONY
“Did you see that story about Paul Bernardo; he’s up on another charge. And that other one, Homolka, she got away with murder. Now she’s out and I think she’s even got a kid. She was there killing those girls too and she’s not paying for it. She’s just scum, just like he is. The justice system screwed up that one if you ask me.”
PHILIP
“You’re looking thinner.”
TONY
“When it gets to be warmer outside, people just figure a homeless guy’s got things a bit easier than in the wintertime, which is true but you still gotta eat.”
TONY
“You know the preacher fellow who’s been coming by here a couple times a week? The other day, he comes by and says that I have it pretty good, at least compared to some other guy he knows. Then he shows me a photo [above] that he just brought back from a trip to Croatia — that’s the preacher on the left. The other guy, that’s the one he was talking about, you can see that guy’s in bad shape. Personally, I feel sorry for the guy.”
TONY
“I remember when I was about 9 year old, I was on the roof of our house and I fell off. I was up there learning about sex with about the girl from next door. I didn’t know nothing about sex, so she was kind of teaching me if you know what I mean. We were just getting going when I felt someone grabbing my ankle — later I found out it was my Mom who grabbed me. Anyway, I took off across the roof and just fell right off. I was a bit knocked out after that but I remember my Mom coming over to me and she asked what I was doing up on the roof before. Of course, I tell her nothing much. So we go inside, and I’m still not figuring out that I don’t have my pants on. So next thing you know, the girl comes to our front door and gives my pants to my Mom.
“I was off girls for a while after that.”
——
PS: Tony to the emergency ward at St. Joseph’s Hospital earlier this week and was advised to begin using a Ventolin (or equivalent) aerosol pump to keep him breathing properly. As such, he needs a regular supply of them. If anyone knows an inexpensive means of acquiring them, Tony would love to hear from you. Please add a comment below or click me at philip [@] sternthinking.com. Thanks.
PHILIP
“Tony, I’ve meaning to ask you this for a while: What’s your earliest memory?”
TONY
“I remember when I was 5 years old, my Mom would sometimes put us in the ‘cold room’ in the basement for punishment when my sister and me had been bad. I remember once when she was angry at us — I can’t remember what it was about — so we went into the cold room. Then my Dad sneaks in, he surprised the heck out of us and he gives us each dime, so we could crawl out of the little basement window and go to see a movie. I can’t remember the movie at all but I’m pretty sure we saw it twice and we probably got some popcorn too like we always did. Then after we snuck back through the window to the cold room. Of course, when she let us go later, my Mom asked us if we’d learned our lesson and of course we said we did and I think probably we even behaved properly after that and Mom never found out.”
TONY
“See that guy who’s jogging up the street with no shirt on? Yeah, he’s the one that’s been making eyes at me every time he goes by — and I gotta say I just can’t imagine what he’s got about me.”
PHILIP
“Where’d you sleep last night?”
TONY
“On that porch I told you about. Like always, I hung my socks over the plywood to air ’em out. So some guy comes by and I think maybe he smelled my socks; anyway he asks me why I’m hanging my socks there so I told him I’m trying to keep the rats away but the problem is that they get used to the smell after a while.”
TONY and PHILIP
Tony and I need your help in three realms:
If you might be able to help us, please leave a comment below, or if you prefer, click me at philip [at] sternthinking.com.
Much, much appreciated.
TONY
“Sometimes those rats are almost as big as raccoons. The best rats I’ve seen are as long as two of my shoes. And look at my feet; they’re size 12’s. So I’ve seen some rats in my life.”
TONY
“So I was telling a guy about the rats that sometimes come to the porch where I’m sleeping most nights. Two days later he walks up and puts a plastic bag with rat poison on my little stool here. The rats don’t bother me so I don’t really need the stuff.”
Homeless Man Speaks 