TONY
“Did you hear that Rob Ford said he didn’t know who Margaret Atwood was? I mean, even I’ve heard of Margaret Atwood.”
Archive for the 'homelessness' Category
Literary criticism
August 1, 2011It’s too late
July 21, 2011
PHILIP
“Hot enough for you?”
TONY
“They said it was going to be the hottest day ever for Toronto and they weren’t kidding, you know.”
PHILIP
“Really? It’s never been this hot ever since you can remember?”
TONY
“Not in the last 50 years, that’s for sure. I think sometimes that it’s that global warming and now it’s catching up with us, if you know what I mean. I could be too late.”
It’s not happening
July 15, 2011
PHILIP
“Seeing you dressed like that makes me I wish I had my Blackberry with me. You’re quite a sight, if you know what I mean.”
TONY
“Would like a picture of my beautiful knees for our readers? Well, I can pose for you later.”
PHILIP
“I can’t wait. Maybe you could just avoid wearing shorts and that would solve the problem.”
TONY
“That’s not going to happen, Phil.”
Pride of place
July 8, 2011
TONY
“How are you doing with those speeches that you were working on? You told me to ask you about it the other day. So I’m askin’, so don’t get uppity.”
PHILIP
“Yeah, yeah, I remember. So when did I ever get uppity anway? Well, I’m seeing a client today, plus I finally got my new website up and working. And I did the whole design and all the layout by myself. So I’m feeling kinda proud of myself.”
TONY
“Phil, you gotta be pretty proud to survive in this world, you know.”
Sick or sorry
June 30, 2011
TONY
“I don’t know if I should tell you or not, because what I saw last night was pretty disgusting, and I don’t know if our blog readers will want to hear about it.”
PHILIP
“I have no idea what you’re talking about and I’m not sure I want to know either.”
TONY
“Well, you know the old homeless guy with that big beard and pushes around the old grocery cart with all the plastic bags?”
PHILIP
“I think I know who you’re talking about … I think I know the guy.”
TONY
“OK, Phil, I don’t know how to say this to you but he eats his own skin, I mean really eats it, tears it right off his own legs. I just saw him doing it last night and I was thinking about it now, you know. Once I even saw him do it so I got him a sandwich to eat instead. And you wouldn’t believe it but he just went and shoved my sandwich into one of the bags and went right back to eating his own skin. I never know whether to feel sick or sorry for him after seeing that, if you know what I mean.”
Mixing it up
June 22, 2011
PHILIP
“Did we ever talk about the Stanley Cup?”
TONY
“It was bad, Phil. I always liked the Bruins since they’re one of the original teams, but you gotta support the Canadian teams first, you know. On the other hand, going and turning over cars and what they did in Vancouver isn’t Canadian in my mind. So I don’t know what you can make of all that but that’s my opinion if you ask me.”
Staying alive
June 17, 2011
PHILIP
“So, how’s your life today?”
TONY
“Well, you what they say: ‘It’s just another day.’ Well, that’s what it is, it’s just another day. At least I’m still alive.”
PHILIP
“Are you OK?”
TONY
“I just as OK as I’m gonna get right now, if you get my meaning.”
A special delivery
June 14, 2011
Return to sender
June 13, 2011
PHILIP
“OK, I feel like an idiot but I need that loonie back that I just gave you. Sorry.”
TONY
“Let me find it in here … I think here it is, yup.”
PHILIP
“Thanks. Yeah, I need change for the bus; I should have checked it first before giving it to you. Sorry about that.”
TONY
“Noooo problem. It’s from you in the first place so I really can’t complain, if you know what I mean.”
New transportation policy
June 9, 2011
PHILIP
“You can’t ride your bike anymore, eh?
TONY
“Nope, no way. The legs just aren’t there anymore, if you know what I mean. Now I gotta walk everywhere and, I’ll tell you, that hurts but at least I can do it. What a guy needs is one of those instant transporters from Star Trek.”
Stirring the pot
June 6, 2011
TONY
“Were you here for all the excitement the other day?”
PHILIP
“No, what was it all about?”
TONY
“Well, one minute the street is quite, no problem. The next time you look, there’s three cop cruisers and they’ve cornered this pick-up truck and the next thing you know they’ve got the guy arrested for hauling around a 300-pound bale of weed in the back. Then, quick as before, everyone’s just gone and the street’s quiet like nothing ever happened. It was weird, that’s all.”
Regretting yesterday
June 2, 2011
A note to our wonderful readers: Sorry for the sparse posting recently. We’re back to 2-3 postings a week. 
Tony and Philip
……………………………
TONY
“Man it’s almost cold today. I should’ve brought my jacket.”
PHILIP
Yeah, they said it was around 30 C yesterday. And humid too, eh?
TONY
“I didn’t like yesterday either, as a matter of fact.”
Circle of life
May 16, 2011
PHILIP
“I heard that there’s an experiment to help homeless people by the government actually giving them money, you know, cash.”
TONY
“Well that won’t work. You’ve got too many of us who will just go off to find something like alcohol or whatever they want. But you can bet your socks that I’d take their money if they want to give it to me.”
PHILIP
“So what’s the best approach then?”
TONY
“When you’re homeless, it means you need a place to live. So if they can help homeless people get somewhere to live, then that could work.”
Joy riding with Pierre Trudeau
April 20, 2011
PHILIP
“So are people talking about the election much?”
TONY
“Some are sometimes but you know that Jack Layton guy, I’m getting to like him more and more. He really cares about people. But I’ll tell you the one I liked the best was Mr. Pierre Elliott Trudeau. No question about that. Now there was a guy who was concerned about, you know, ordinary folks. A very nice and decent man too.”
PHILIP
“How do you know all this? Did you meet him or something?”
TONY
“Did I meet him? I drove him and and Margaret around in my limo.”
[To be continued.]
Memory lame
April 16, 2011
TONY
“Hey Phil, did you remember to get me the Advil by any chance?”
PHILIP
“Oh crap! I forgot it again. OK, I give in. Here’s five bucks; you buy some.”
TONY
“Phil, I can wait, you know.”
PHILIP
“Don’t I know it.”
I am homeless, I am invincible
April 14, 2011
TONY
“You know, sometimes I think I must be pretty tough.”
PHILIP
“How come not all the time?”
TONY
“I don’t know but I guess I am.”
PHILIP
“You bet you are. I’ll tell you for sure … I can’t imagine me surviving living how you’ve had to live.”
TONY
“I can’t either, if you know what I mean.”
A twitter
April 8, 2011
TONY
“You know the Twitter that you use for telling people what you’re thinking at work? You should tell people about it. and then they’ll be able to read your opinions instead of my opinions all the time well, most of the time anyway.”
PHILIP
“Sure, I’d love to do that.” [http://www.twitter.com/sternthinker]
Absolute truth
April 7, 2011
PHILIP
“Did you know that the Flames are out of the playoffs?”
TONY
“Now why would you even know that, if I may ask?”
PHILIP
“I have no idea why I know that, you know. It’s true though, eh?”
TONY
“Yup, that’s the absolute truth. You know, I feel bad for the Calgarians — they’re nice people.”
Wheels that spin and spin
April 1, 2011
TONY
“I met this guy today. I never spoke with a more angry guy in my whole life, Phil. Man he was a hard one.”
PHILIP
“What did he say or what did he talk about?”
TONY
“Well, he couldn’t stop talking about how bicycles were taking over the city, and you couldn’t drive a car anywhere even though car owners paid all the taxes. He just couldn’t stop and he just kept on saying stuff about bikes. You should have heard this guy. Blah blah blah, I’m telling you.
Not hot
March 29, 2011
PHILIP
“So how’s spring working out for you so far?”
TONY
“I hate to tell you this, Phil, but I’m looking forward to global warming, if you know what I mean.”
Homeless Man Speaks 