Archive for the 'Christmas' Category

Joke of the butt

December 26, 2007

Sancho Panza

PHILIP
You got any stories that might bring a smile to your readers during Christmas time?

TONY
“It’s funny that you asked that question since I was just thinking about a funny thing that happened to me a few years ago – it wasn’t funny at the time though. This is when I learned that wooden toilet seats are better than the other plastic ones, even those thick plastic ones.

“So I was sitting on this toilet made of that thick plastic I was talking about — not one of those flimsy ones — and it just cracked under my bum. Somehow one of my cheeks got caught in the crack, and boy did that hurt. I just screamed bloody murder. Turns out it was bleeding pretty bad but I didn’t know. So I started bleeding through my pants, ’til they were totally bloody all down the back of my legs. I couldn’t sit on that cheek for almost 2 months, if you know what I mean. The wood seats just wouldn’t do that to you.”

Advertisements

T’was the night before Christmas

January 3, 2007

T'was the lights before Christmas

PHILIP
“What did you do over Christmas?

TONY
“A few of us went over to a guy we know. We’d said there wouldn’t be any drinking, no nothing, but this one guy comes in plain pissed, and that’s it for me. You know, we’d all promised to be clean but this guy, no, he has to hit the juice anyway. I got out of there. I was pretty pissed off. We all collected to buy a 7-pound turkey and he goes and screws it up. I just had to leave ’cause there was going to be a fight. Not on Christmas Eve, you can’t be fightin’ Christmas Eve.”

___________
PS: [Jan. 4] For a fierce denunciation of Tony and homeless people in general, read Randy’s comment in response to “From Tony’s cold case files“.

%d bloggers like this: