The word from the street
TONY
“I had a funny thing happen today with a customer.”
PHILIP
“A customer? What happened?”
TONY
“He wanted to give me some change but he didn’t have any money on him.”
PHILIP
“So what happened?”
TONY
“So he asked me if I would take a credit card.”
PHILIP
“What did you say?”
TONY
“Well I told him that I didn’t even have a debit card machine. He thought that was pretty funny.”
TONY
“I got arrested when I was 17 for taking 7UP from a 7UP truck, which was actually the second time I did it.
“I’ll tell you about the first time, which we didn’t get caught for. I was 16 and a bunch of us went up to the old 7UP factory on Christie one night. We emptied out the whole side of a 45-foot long delivery truck. So, right when we were taking the last case, the truck got so lopsided that it just kind of leaned over, right onto the truck beside it. Before you knew it, it was like a a bunch of dominoes, with our truck being the first domino.”
PHILIP
“What did you do with all the 7UP ?”
TONY
“We drank most of it. Other than that, we just poured it out.”
PHILIP
“You did this for kicks?”
TONY
“Actually, we did it mostly to get money. Back then, they would give you two cents for every bottle you returned.”
TONY
“My mom would always say that my sister should have been me [Tony] and I should have been her [Tony’s sister]. I could do the chores better than she did.
“I’ll give you a funny example. Back in the days, instead of my wife doing the ironing, it would be me. See, she [Tony’s wife] learned that I could iron pants better, so they would have a good crease. You just got to have a dish towel and some brown paper. You fold the brown paper tight where the crease is and then you wet down the dish towel a bit. Then you put the towel over the paper and iron it and the pants come out perfect. Once my mom said you could almost cut butter with one of my creases.”
Homeless Man Speaks 