Homeless Man Speaks

PHILIP
“What did you do last night?”

TONY
“I cooked up some Kraft Dinner. Four of ’em.”

PHILIP
“Exactly where did you do that?”

TONY
“I went over to my Dave’s, my friend Dave’s.”

“Anyway, my recipe for Kraft Dinner is you start by chopping up a fresh onion. You boil the noodles the same as always, drain it out, and put in the onion and cook it ’til the onion gets clear. Then you put in the cheese. I like extra cheese so later you grate in some mozzarella, about a quarter of a brick. Then you put in the margarine and cook it up a bit more. Then you put in cream to get it to the right thickness. Most people use milk but cream’s the one to use. Then you put in the mozzarella and stir it up.”

PHILIP
“You ate your way through four boxes of Kraft Dinner last night?”

TONY
“Yup. You think four’s a lot? I should tell you about going to the buffet once when I was working for George Segal. You’d like that one.”